We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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