I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
