So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize