oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
