I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize