Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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