i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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