john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
