I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
