I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
