we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
