My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
