We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
