we're blogging at a bar
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
