I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
