Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
