why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize