i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
FUCK WHALES
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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