i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
