i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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