i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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