This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize