we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
