I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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