so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
