if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
