If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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