I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
