it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
