The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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