If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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