Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
