Best friends brother. Beat that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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