About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
