Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
