exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
