Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
