I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
