Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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