I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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