I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
