He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
