I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
