I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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