The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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