someone owes me an orgasm
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize