you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
