There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
