I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
