eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
