Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize