girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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