I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm both gender and math confused
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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