yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
