Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
