Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
