just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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