just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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