I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
