He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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