I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
