I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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