I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
