Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
