I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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