cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
