i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
