I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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