Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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