i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Randomize
