K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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