dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
