I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize