Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
