I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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