Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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