Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
