Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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