Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Of course I have a pirate flag
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
