can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
