And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize