I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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