oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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