true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
