He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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