youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
