i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
