how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
