we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
