I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
