Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
