so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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