i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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