Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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