Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
