She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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